Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
