Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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