if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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