went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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