I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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