Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this will be a night to untag.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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