Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
