My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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