I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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