Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
