Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
