Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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