The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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