Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
