He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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