well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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