Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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