watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He shit in the fireplace
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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