i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its not stalking. its research.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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