I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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