im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
