Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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