like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
