I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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