Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think my moral compass just broke
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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