All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
