Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
