we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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