I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?