Texts From Last Night

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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

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  (774): ugh. my soul tastes like vodka http://tfl.nu/d0v0
  Replies (9) Good night (4548) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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  (778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy http://tfl.nu/o3jf
  Replies (19) Good night (5726) Bad night (1387)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.

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  (214): he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day. http://tfl.nu/ey19
  Replies (16) Good night (5263) Bad night (978)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

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  (412): Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine http://tfl.nu/x929
  Replies (15) Good night (4098) Bad night (1586)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.

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  (408): sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here. http://tfl.nu/d4g6
  Replies (17) Good night (2515) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

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  (801): He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me. http://tfl.nu/il2t
  Replies (8) Good night (2400) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.

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  (210): Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that. (682): Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude. http://tfl.nu/g9al
  Replies (2) Good night (775) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status

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  (308): Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status http://tfl.nu/i9jh
  Replies (0) Good night (663) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.

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  (949): Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows. http://tfl.nu/xhmr
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.

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  (215): Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship. http://tfl.nu/lmdk
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.

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  (631): Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds. http://tfl.nu/5z67
  Replies (0) Good night (780) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...

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  (763): I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked... http://tfl.nu/6r3j
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us

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  (516): I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us http://tfl.nu/ed1l
  Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.

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  (323): You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern. http://tfl.nu/mns4
  Replies (3) Good night (986) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.

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  (902): Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life. http://tfl.nu/3r5l
  Replies (0) Good night (330) Bad night (152)

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