4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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