This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable