He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter