my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
