don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was like eating out sand paper
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
