there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
