Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
