i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its not stalking. its research.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
