It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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