Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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