So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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