I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
