yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
