My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
