someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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