help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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