I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
