you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
