I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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