he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
