It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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