Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
