Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
