You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
