exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In America we eat man semen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When are your genitals available?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
we should paint friendship bongs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
