you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
