my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate all girls vehemently.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
