Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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