Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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