So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
