Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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