I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
