Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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