his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
