dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
