Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
