New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
