11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
