i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
