Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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