This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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