I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
