I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
